["It's killing us too." Reiner grips his own chest when Aubrey says that. He nods, miserable. It is killing him; it's all killing him, and not fast enough. Seeing Eren in person again had felt...indescribable in the worst way. Reiner had fallen to his knees, begging Eren to kill him, to take what was owed. And Eren didn't. Why not? To punish him? Or was it something else?
[They broke each other. But Aubrey's words - both said and unsaid - spark a flame of feeble hope. Not that things might get better, or that Eren can be saved; just that he's still in there somewhere. This girl, to his knowledge, doesn't know who Eren used to be, the raw passion that bled from every inch of him. Terrifying passion, but with something to cling to other than destruction.
["He wanted freedom. He wanted happiness. He believed he could find it. He really did. That's the Eren I want back."
[Reiner takes a deep breath. The idea of facing Eren is always a bone-chilling one, made up of both fear and guilt. Once he and Eren are actually face to face, it's a thousand times worse. He'll always be the man that Reiner loves. It's a sick fate.]
I'm...not sure that I can bring anything out in Eren that isn't pain, but...
["He's suffering."]
I want to help.
I'll do whatever I can.
[Maybe it's delusional; it wouldn't be the first time. But, fuck. What else does he have to lose? Just Eren.]
[The Eren who Reiner knows, used to know—maybe not the same Aubrey knows, but she’s known glimpse enough. She’s known that passion around her, or so even now she wants to think; his arms, his softness, his love.
[Freedom. Happiness. Aubrey nods at that unspoken longing; miserable, yet… hopeful? Is that what’s making her heart beat faster; lovesick, pained, excited? Much as Reiner says he might bring nothing but pain, he wants to help. That reckless vow might not be such a lost cause.]
[Could seeing Reiner again help Eren? It’s hard to fathom, not when Eren’s only ever spoken of him with such cutting hatred, and yet—]
[“…I do hate you.” It’s an echo loud and clear, one audible to both, as if spoken inches from their faces. Like Eren on the screens again; everywhere, nowhere. “And I do love you.”]
[Aubrey steels herself.]
The last time we talked about you—Eren said he hopes you wouldn’t show up. For your own sake. [Better to be direct. Reiner can read into that as he will.]
But I doubt he wants to see me again, either. [Does he? What else was that furious, shouted “Always, then”? What else was his final answer?]
And maybe that… [It’s a chilling thought.] …that’s exactly what he needs.
[The whispered words - not in Aubrey's voice, not in Reiner's, but echoing the beat of their hearts all the same, tall and dark-haired, with green eyes like a sea on fire. Reiner's expression becomes pained. She really does understand. He feels sick for her. It isn't easy to love Eren Jaeger, and they both know it very well.]
To see us again, you mean.
[A statement as much as it is a question. He finds that, despite it all, he doesn't want her answer to be the opposite.]
[Reiner offers his hand—his left, Aubrey notes. She hesitates, strangely; it’s an irrevocable part of that vow, but feels somehow… purer. Less tainted.
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[They broke each other. But Aubrey's words - both said and unsaid - spark a flame of feeble hope. Not that things might get better, or that Eren can be saved; just that he's still in there somewhere. This girl, to his knowledge, doesn't know who Eren used to be, the raw passion that bled from every inch of him. Terrifying passion, but with something to cling to other than destruction.
["He wanted freedom. He wanted happiness. He believed he could find it. He really did. That's the Eren I want back."
[Reiner takes a deep breath. The idea of facing Eren is always a bone-chilling one, made up of both fear and guilt. Once he and Eren are actually face to face, it's a thousand times worse. He'll always be the man that Reiner loves. It's a sick fate.]
I'm...not sure that I can bring anything out in Eren that isn't pain, but...
["He's suffering."]
I want to help.
I'll do whatever I can.
[Maybe it's delusional; it wouldn't be the first time. But, fuck. What else does he have to lose? Just Eren.]
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[The Eren who Reiner knows, used to know—maybe not the same Aubrey knows, but she’s known glimpse enough. She’s known that passion around her, or so even now she wants to think; his arms, his softness, his love.
[Freedom. Happiness. Aubrey nods at that unspoken longing; miserable, yet… hopeful? Is that what’s making her heart beat faster; lovesick, pained, excited? Much as Reiner says he might bring nothing but pain, he wants to help. That reckless vow might not be such a lost cause.]
[Could seeing Reiner again help Eren? It’s hard to fathom, not when Eren’s only ever spoken of him with such cutting hatred, and yet—]
[“…I do hate you.” It’s an echo loud and clear, one audible to both, as if spoken inches from their faces. Like Eren on the screens again; everywhere, nowhere. “And I do love you.”]
[Aubrey steels herself.]
The last time we talked about you—Eren said he hopes you wouldn’t show up. For your own sake. [Better to be direct. Reiner can read into that as he will.]
But I doubt he wants to see me again, either. [Does he? What else was that furious, shouted “Always, then”? What else was his final answer?]
And maybe that… [It’s a chilling thought.] …that’s exactly what he needs.
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To see us again, you mean.
[A statement as much as it is a question. He finds that, despite it all, he doesn't want her answer to be the opposite.]
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[They can’t stand the thought of losing him, can they? What miserable, yearning solidarity.]
What else?
[It’s a mourning question, more of a declaration.
[Of course it is.
[May it eat them alive together.]
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I won't run this time. I owe Eren that much.
When you're ready, call on me.
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[Reiner offers his hand—his left, Aubrey notes. She hesitates, strangely; it’s an irrevocable part of that vow, but feels somehow… purer. Less tainted.
[But it’s only a second.]
[“Call for me.”]
[Aubrey takes Reiner’s hand, firm.]
I will.
[And a brief squeeze, to seal the deal. He’s warm, too....]
Take care of yourself out here.
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You too, Aubrey. I'll see you both soon.